Do you want to be successful, but feel something is holding you back? Are you looking to make a lot of money, but wonder if you’re really cut out for life in business on the Internet?
I recently came across the phrase “the social mirror.” This phrase refers to the fact that many people get their sense of self-worth from the things others say. That is, from what is reflected back to them.
You can rise above it
If you want to be successful in life, you need to rise above this kind of nonsense. Any form of success (sport, business, relationships) requires commitment, and what other people may call sacrifice.
I say “other people,” because a committed sportsman receiving gold at the Olympics doesn’t miss all the burgers he never ate. It doesn’t seem like a sacrifice at the point of victory.
My own story
Here’s an example from my own life. My highest priority is my wife and family. I got married and had kids because I wanted to spend time with them. But when I started my web business, I was spending the best part of every day at work.
I had limited capital, so I had to promote my site for free. That meant coming home from work and submitting ads manually. I found the best time to submit ads was midnight through 10am. So I submitted ads until 1am every night, and then got up at 5am the next morning to submit more. I also spent my weekends working on the site.
You can imagine what the “social mirror” was telling me! People told me I was a bad father, I didn’t spend enough time with my kids, I was a workaholic, and so on. That was then, this is now…
Now the social mirror says “you’re so lucky to be able to work from home and spend so much time with your children.” Of course, you and I know that “luck” had nothing to with it. The fact is, I didn’t listen to the social mirror. If I had done, I would have quit when it told me I was a bad parent. And I’d still lead an ordinary 9-5 life today.
Thankfully, I knew what I was committed to. I knew I would buy back the time I invested.
The concern was genuine
Most of the people who are going to tell you “it won’t work”, or “you can’t do that”, are genuinely concerned about you. They simply don’t have your commitment or dreams. So don’t feel threatened or angry. Simply thank them for their concern, and carry on to success!
Manipulating the social mirror
I used to think that I was what I had chosen to be. And then I began to realize I was simply a product of my environment. I didn’t have any original thoughts, and my self-worth was based on other people’s opinions of me.
Over a period of time I began to realize that if my environment had influenced me this powerfully, what could I achieve if I changed my environment? Could I use the social mirror to my own advantage?
I thought I probably could. I’d already seen the power of positive feedback in my own kids. For example, my son Michael will be looking at something in the playground and say “I can’t Daddy.”
I’d reply “Of course you can, it’s easy. Here I’ll help you and then you try yourself.” Within a few minutes he’s a pro, and the only thing that changed was his belief in himself. I have nurtured a belief and conviction in him that he can.
Amy is the same with reading. She might say “I don’t know that word Daddy.”
“No trouble sweetheart, what sound does ‘s’ make?” A minute later, and I’m saying “Man, you’re such a good reader! Soon you’ll be reading books to me.”
Choosing your social mirror
If only you and I could find people with that much belief in us! We’d soon be living the life of our dreams! Actually, there are people like that everywhere. I’m one of them, and so are you. If you’re human, and you’ve got a pulse, then I believe you can achieve anything you want.
History is jam-packed with ordinary people who overcame unbelievable odds to realize their dream. Don’t entertain the thought “I can’t” for more than the second it takes to say “Yes I can.”
Some people get inspired when others say, “You can’t.” And some people are completely destroyed. The way a person reacts to a “you can’t” statement is the only factor that determines whether a person is ordinary, or extraordinary.
I see this every week on American Idol. Simon is a harsh judge, and often tells people they’ll never make it. Some contestants are devastated by this feedback, while others have gone on to win the competition! What’s the difference between someone who goes on to win, and another who is devastated?
The sole difference lies in the way they responded to the statement.
Whichever type you are right now, a few changes to your environment will make a world of difference to who you’ll be in a few months time.
Take a good hard look
Analyze your environment today. Think about your friends, family, workspace, the books you read, and the television you watch. What are these things telling you? Who and what are they saying to you? What do they say about the world you live in?
If they don’t reinforce the idea that “you can,” or that “you look good,” or that “you’re important,” you must change these things in your environment. They’re excess baggage, and they dragging you down. Get rid of them!
If there’s someone in your family like this, you may need to sit down and explain your dream clearly to that person. Chances are, he or she does care about you, and is actually worried about you.
If this person sees you pursuing a dream he/she considers impossible, this person may want to protect you from disappointment. It’s definitely worth sitting down and talking to this person. Find out what’s behind his or her criticism.
You never know, this person may end up becoming your greatest ally. It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened.
It’s possible to ignore the social mirror for a while, but it’s far more powerful to change it into something that supports you. Take ownership of it, and turn it into an ally that helps you achieve your goals.
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